Looking after yourself

It’s important to look after your own wellbeing so you have the energy, time and perspective to be there for someone with distress.

How can I look after myself?

Supporting someone you care about through a difficult time can be challenging. It’s important to look after your own wellbeing so you have the energy, time and perspective to be there for someone with distress. Managing your own “stuff” means small things don’t escalate into stressed behaviour like name calling, withdrawing or trying to control someone. Think about the following guidance from people who have been there.

• Set boundaries and be realistic about what you can do.

  Think about what you can offer. Be realistic about your limits and communicate this to your loved one. Don’t promise more than you can give. Once you have negotiated your support role – follow through! Remember that small, simple things can help, and that just being there for them is probably helping a lot.

• Take some time out.

  If you’re feeling overwhelmed or low in energy, taking some time for yourself can refresh you and help you get things back into perspective. It also role-models effective coping strategies to others in your whānau.

• Share the care.

  It’s often easier to support someone if you’re not doing it alone. Think about the people around you. It’s likely you will have other whānau members or friends who can offer other things – a good listener, practical support, a sense of humour, or spiritual guidance. 

• Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling.

  Find your own outlets for support – this could be a friend or whānau, someone else who is supporting a person with mental distress, or a counsellor.